A Song Unheard by Roseanna M. White

A Song Unheard

I have been blessed with the opportunity to serve on the launch team for Roseanna White's latest book, A Song Unheard. A few months ago, I wrote about the first book in the series, A Name Unknown, which followed Rosemary as she attempted to steal a name from a man whose ties to Germany have made him the object of suspicion in a pre-World War 1 England.

In this book, we get to know Willa Forsythe, Rosemary's adopted sister. She is tasked with stealing a cipher from her favorite musician, a Belgian violinist whose father had been working on an important machine that could be used against the Germans. 

Will she be able to complete her task and continue to support her family?

Find out when you purchase the book on Amazon, available in ebook or paperback form!  ;-) Or, you can order directly from the author's website and receive a signed copy! 

You can read my review and thoughts about the book below. I hope it inspires you to read it for yourself. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and I hope you will too.

***I received a complimentary copy of this book from the author/publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. All opinions expressed are mine alone***

Synopsis:

Willa Forsythe is both a violin prodigy and top-notch thief, which makes her the perfect choice for a crucial task at the outset of World War I—to steal a cypher from a famous violinist currently in Wales.

Lukas De Wilde has enjoyed the life of fame he's won—until now, when being recognized nearly gets him killed. Everyone wants the key to his father's work as a cryptologist. And Lukas fears that his mother and sister, who have vanished in the wake of the German invasion of Belgium, will pay the price. The only light he finds is meeting the intriguing Willa Forsythe.

But danger presses in from every side, and Willa knows what Lukas doesn't—that she must betray him and find that cypher, or her own family will pay the price as surely as his has.

Review:

My must-have in any great story is multi-dimensional characters who undergo serious character development throughout the events of the story.  This book did not disappoint.  A Song Unheard was full of all the classic elements of a Roseanna White book: deep characters, beautiful descriptive language, humor, drama, and of course, characters and relationships who earn their happy ending after much character development.  Willa and Lukas both start out as flawed and hurt characters.  Willa, who was abandoned by both of her parents as a child, does not trust anyone outside of her adopted family of thieves. She has grown up poor, having to steal in order to survive.  Lukas, by contrast, comes from a loving family who has always supported him, but he has not fully appreciated their influence before.  He has lived the life of a famous musician socialite, going to parties, meeting beautiful women, and reveling in his fame.  He struggles with guilt over not being able to take care of his family, Willa struggles to trust anyone outside of her circle.  Both of them find refuge in music, and it was interesting to see the way it played into their personal journeys of faith.

This book had a great cast of supporting characters as well.  I enjoyed getting to read more about Barclay, the leader of Willa's family band of thieves.  He wore the roles of Big Brother and Protector very well and  I look forward to reading more of his story in Book 3!  Another character I hope to see more of is Margot.  I absolutely LOVED her character.  Some of the most hilarious and profound quotes in the book came from her and I hope she gets her own book someday.

The writing contains beautiful storytelling, intriguing characters, and a profound message of God's faithfulness and love.  Thank you, Roseanna White, for another great read!

Favorite quotes:

"Can a man compose a symphony without paying attention to each individual note? Can he put together an orchestra without caring about each musician in it? It's ridiculous to posit a Creator who stands back, unconcerned.  If we grant a God, we have to grant a complete God."

"But she heard music.  And for the first time in her life, she wondered if maybe...maybe this was what the Lord sounded like.  If He'd been whispering to her all along, all these years.  Little snippets of melodies she'd never quite caught."

"Peter said something before he left about God calling us, drawing us while we're still sinners.  And I wonder...I wonder if that's what He's been doing all along.  Calling us to Him.  To His work."

Final Thoughts:

I believe God finds ways of speaking to us in ways that are uniquely meaningful to us. I loved the way the author brought that out in the individual storylines of the characters. In Willa's and Lukas' storylines, He speaks to them through music. In Margot's story, He speaks to her through numbers and order. In my personal walk with God, I have heard His voice through stories and books. There have been times when I have been able to look back and make sense of events in my life by looking at them in the context of a story. His greater story. The question is not whether God speaks to us in any given moment. The question is whether or not we are willing to hear His voice, listen to His song, read His story. It brings to mind a quote from another great book, The Silver Chair, by C.S. Lewis:

" 'You would not have called to me unless I had been calling to you,' said the Lion."

May each of us be able to hear His voice calling to us, and be willing to answer back.

Discussion Questions:

Have you ever heard God speaking to you through your hobbies and passions?

What spiritual lessons have you learned, or can be drawn, by experiencing these different areas of interest?

First blog post of 2018

New Year's is always a time for reflection upon the previous year, and anticipation over the year to come. What will we accomplish in the new year? How will our lives change? Looking back on the old year, what did we accomplish, and how did our lives change? I ask these questions every year and I usually enjoy looking back on the old year and finding highlights. However, this year, I don't want to do that. While I have been ready for a new beginning before, I have never, in my memory, been so glad to be rid of an old year.

2017 was a beating.

It must be stated, for the sake of honesty, that there were plenty of good moments last year, that I will treasure forever. Plenty of defining moments that were significant and character developing.

In 2017:

Relationships were solidified

Bonds grew tighter

New life was made
Cities and organizations came together to help each other in a time of crisis

The impossible became reality

I experienced new places and experiences that both enriched my life and made me grow as a person.(Traveling to New York and Broadway, being in charge of auction and having to get it set up when my partner got sick, signing up for Medicaid and going to prenatal visits, seeing my son through an ultrasound, etc.)

I am (or will be) be grateful for 2017. For the good experiences as well as the trying times and the way I grew and am continuing to grow (albeit very reluctantly) as a result of them.

That said, I am SO glad 2017 is over with.

Also in 2017:

Dreams were crushed

Lives were turned upside down, shaken, not stirred, and set down to dizzily navigate a new path

Jobs were lost
Homes we lost

Locations were changed

Friends were separated

Goals were made and not met - both because I was unable to meet them and because I simply gave up

Matthew and I were separated for the better part of four months.

2017 was a yucky, yucky year and it has left me reeling and trying to find my bearings. I realize that, in perspective, my trials have been minor in comparison to those who lost their homes in Hurricane Harvey. I try to keep that in mind when I find myself wallowing in self-pity. I do not mean to downplay their trials, or make it seem as though mine are on the same par. This is my response and attempt to process my personal trials from last year.

Things are beginning to slow down now, but they will start spinning again in a month or less when my son is born. 2017 has forced me into a place where I have no choice but to take life one day at a time.

In 2018:

My son will be born.

That is both exciting and terrifying. That one event, in and of itself, is going to change my entire life...again. More about my feelings on that in another post.

Everything else new that may or may not happen seems to hinge on this one event, and it is the only thing I know for certain about this year. There are many changes ahead, most of which I cannot fully prepare for because each possibility hinges on another possibility that may or may not happen.

There are many things I would like to happen, but I have no way of knowing if they will at this point, and no way to make them happen. Honestly, last year has made me afraid to make plans, and the uncertainty of where (in any sense of the word) we will be in a year has made me hesitant to put down roots.

2018 is not without its difficulties, friends. But I know this:

I am ready to move past 2017 and let it stop defining my attitude on life.

I want this, but at the same time I feel crippled by this because I still have days when I am driving to work and I have to give myself a firm talking to in order to keep from crying at the unfairness of 2017. I would like to know for certain what will happen. What will happen with school? Jobs? Housing? Location? Also, Parenthood?! When will, how will, what will?

How can I move on with so many questions? I don't know that I fully can.

Regardless, my attitude needs to change.

There are many possible things that could happen in 2018, and just as many chances that something else will happen instead.

I have no way of knowing which combination of events will occur. But I know this, I need to give up my need to control the situation (because, let's face it, I have no control over my situation) and trust that God has a plan for me that will be way better than anything I can come up with.

In spite of all that has happened, He has not left me. He has made me uncomfortable and He has forced me to grow, and, I will be completely honest, I have not liked Him for it. I have been the angry teenager pouting in her room after losing an argument with her parents. Deep down I know they have my best interests in their heart, even though I don't see it right now. Eventually, I have to decide whether to continue fighting against them, accomplishing nothing but more misery, or relinquish my control and open myself up to the possibility that they know better than I do.

So here is my prayer for 2018:

Father, help me to give up control and open myself up to your will. Change my heart so that I will be happy to go wherever you lead me. Change my desires so that they line up with your will for my life. Take away my anxiety over the future, and replace it with hope and contentment. Thank you for always taking care of me and showing me in little and big ways how much you love me.

Amen

Interview with Charles Franklin - Author of Children of the Forgotten

This Fall, I had the opportunity to serve on the launch team of Charles Franklin's debut novel, Children of the Forgotten, a post-apocalyptic story about a city of adolescents and new adults that is facing extinction.  Those of you who know me know that post-apocalyptic/dystopian genres are not my usual cup of tea. However, this one intrigued me for two reasons:

1. It included Knights.

2. It takes place several hundreds of years after the "apocalypse" had taken place. Most post-apocalyptic stories that I am aware of take place in the recent years after said apocalypse.

These two elements added some interesting dynamics to the Story World and I enjoyed watching them play out. If you are interested, you can read my entire review on Goodreads or Amazon, where you can also order your own copy!

In the mean time, and to whet your appetite, the author himself has allowed me to interview him about his book. Check out his bio and his website for more information about Charles, his writing, and his inspiration.

Charles was born and raised in Texas. From there, he joined the United States Army and has traveled the world. Along the way, he saw the most beautiful set of eyes he had ever seen. They belonged to a girl ... and he married her right away. Twenty years later, they have three children and are finally headed back home to Texas for good.

Upon retiring from the Army after 23 years, Charles will continue to serve others as a teacher in the town he grew up in. When he's not in the classroom, or spending time with his family, Charles writes stories about faith, love, hope, and adventure. 

His debut novel, Children of the Forgotten: The Anistemi Book I, will release in August and he has already begun work on the second book in the trilogy. Charles is also writing an action thriller, and has begun outlining another series set in the Anistemi world.  

You can get in touch with Charles on his website, Facebook, or Twitter if you'd like to follow along with his journey.
(Taken from his website)

1. What was the inspiration for this story? Did the plot come first or the characters? 

The plot definitely came first. Post-apocalyptic stories are some of my favorites, and I always enjoy how the characters fight against whatever foe has caused this end-of-the-world scenario. As a fan of these stories, though, I found myself wanting to tell my own tale and fill it with faith. Plenty of authors have done it and done it well, but I hope I put a bit of a different twist on it!

2. Which is easier for you to write, plot or characters? 

It's funny that the plot came to me first, and now I'm going to say that characters are so much easier for me to write. I can't remember how many times I've had to go back and fix a timeline or completely alter a scene because I left out vital information, so I really struggle with plot! But with characters, I feel like my writing just flows and I--sadly--end up having to cut out a lot of stuff. There was a scene with a character named, Bliss, where something takes her back to a horrible time in her life and she lashes out. The intensity of that scene left me trembling for quite some time afterward. It was a quite sad, yet amazing experience!

3. Who was your most difficult character to write and why? 

I'd have to say, Felicia. When I got my first edits back from my publisher, they said that Felicia was too perfect. After reading back through, I agreed. I really wanted her to be an inspirational, strong female character, but I had to go back and give her some flaws and struggle to make her more relatable. I guess the difficult part was having to be a little mean to her at times ... I hope she forgives me!

4. If you can answer this without spoilers, what was your hardest problem to solve plot-wise? 

There were many, but I think the hardest was finding an appropriate climax. The story builds and builds (well, I hope it does) to something that I wanted to be a furious clash between opposing forces. And not only did I wanted it to be an epic clash, I also wanted to show each main character's growth throughout. I pray that I was able to do that.

5. Which character do you relate to the most and why? 

Collin and I have both lost our parents, so we share that right away. But, I also relate to his feelings of inadequacy and fear. It was once a great struggle of mine--even though I was a Soldier--of feeling like I just wasn't good enough. I guess you could say that I went through a bit of a wake-up, just like Collin, and I realized I have a strong, mighty God right next to me. In fact, God taught me so much as I wrote Collin's story, and I grew right along with him!

6. What surprised you while writing this story, either about the characters or the turn of the plot? 

There's a certain point in the story, where two characters are reunited, that I never saw coming! It's a pretty big twist, so I won't spoil it, but in the middle of them seeing each other for what I honestly thought was the first time, a line just came to me that altered the rest of the story. From that point on, a million ideas flooded my brain and I'm really excited for everyone to meet these two and follow their adventure through CotF and the next two books. It's going to be quite a ride!

7. What message do you hope your readers come away with? 

I want them to know that, even when it seems like the world is ending, it's not. Each of us is fighting a battle, and some days the enemy seems to be winning. But, this is not true. We serve an awesome, powerful God, Who only has good things in store for us. One of my favorite lines from the novel is, "All is lost. All is gone. But this one thing: hope." I hope my readers remember that when things sometimes seem too much to bear.

8. The concept of the society's government was super interesting to me (medieval knights, but also very democratic, etc.) What were your inspirations for setting up the government that way? 

Since the story is set a century after the fall of the modern world, I felt like firearms would have been extinct for a long time...I mean...they're extinct in this story, anyway! Once I started exploring the need for hand-forged weapons, I wanted to add some pride to being a defender of the city. So...the knights were born. There is also a lot of history with them and the symbols that some of them wear, too. I hope to explore that more in future stories. As far as the government, I didn't like the thought of some sort of dictator, or king, and I wanted the struggle that takes place between an elected leader and a council. There is so much potential for drama there! And so much more to come!

Thank you so much for joining me on my blog, Charles! I look forward to reading more about these wonderful characters and settings in your future books!

Skeleton and Ghost by Nathaniel James Dowell

Skeleton and Ghost by Nathaniel Dowell

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

If you are a child at heart who loves Halloween but are not into the over-the-top creepy aspect of it, or if you are looking for a book to share with an important child in your life, this is the book for you. It is an adorable story of a skeleton who longs to walk around in the outside world, but cannot because he has no ghost. Along comes a ghost looking for his family and so begins a beautiful relationship!

The story is sweet and the writing is enchanting. The illustrations are gorgeous creations by the author himself! This is the perfect book for you to share with your child, little sibling, niece, nephew, or friend.

Happy Halloween!

View all my reviews

Go Teen Writer's Instagram Challenge Week 1

"I am so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers." 

~ Anne Shirley, Anne of Green Gables

Everything seems magical in October. It could be because it is Halloween month, and everyone has their various decorations out. It could be because the weather is changing, if ever so slightly (in Texas anyway). Everything is transformed into a pumpkin! Coffee, cereal, soups, desserts.

Anyway, in the spirit of October and the magical season, I have decided to participate in Go Teen Writer's October '17 Instagram Challenge (even though I'm not a Teen).

I'm not a huge fan of hardcore Halloween stuff, but I like the slightly-mystical-not-too-serious-not-too-dark-fall-festival-pumpkin-carving-Legend-of-Sleepy-Hollow-Disney-version type of Halloween. I felt like this qualified.

As you can see, each day has a prompt for the participant to follow with a picture that somehow matches. Creativity is encouraged. This is the first time I've done something like this, so I'm excited to give it a try.

Rather than post once a day for 31 days (which, let's be realistic, wouldn't happen, and would be annoying if it did), I will be posting once a week with my findings. If you decide you would like to participate, feel free to post your favorites in the comments below!

Here is Week 1:

Day 1: Magic ⭐

Obviously, coffee is a magical drink. Especially first thing in the morning when everything is still dark outside.

You reluctantly make your way into the kitchen, not really wanting to start another day yet, but knowing you must. Then you hear the whisper of your favorite coffee brand beckoning you from the cabinet. You open the cabinet door and there it is. Glancing over your shoulder to make sure you are alone, you quietly pull it from the shelf and open the bag. As the scent of the yet-to-be-brewed concoction hits your nostrils you feel a twinge of excitement and inspiration. The day has possibilities you have yet to discover, and this drink holds the key! You glance at the clock. Time is growing short. Hurriedly, you fill the cauldron (coffee-maker) with water, grind the beans with your mortar and pestle (coffee-grinder), and soon the brewing has begun.
The cauldron grumbles and spurts, unhappy at being woken from its slumber. However, even this cranky machine is susceptible to the power of the brew and its grumbles become purrs as it eventually complies with your wishes. You pour the dark drink into your chalice (coffee mug), taking a moment to savor the beautiful aroma. Then you take your first sip, and the world around you begins to change.


Day 2: Ghost 👻

This picture could have a double meaning because it includes the appendix of the science textbook, which is like a ghost because my 7th graders SWORE  it wasn't there, and then it magically appeared when I looked for it...kind of like a ghost. But within the appendix, we also find a picture of an amoeba which I thought looked like a cute little ghost waving its ghost-like arm. The caption says that the amoeba is extending its pseudopods to engulf and digest some food. Sounds kinda creepy to me.

Day 3: Pumpkin 🎃

Like I said, EVERYTHING turns into a pumpkin! And you don't even have to wait till midnight. I tend to be skeptical about flavored cereals, but I LOVE pumpkin spice things, so I tried it. Honestly, my taste buds had to adapt at first, but I have decided this is a win. It's not overly sweet, which I appreciate, but it does have an addictive element to it. It works great as breakfast or a snack, and you get to feel festive while you eat it.

Day 4: Orange 📙

This one was easy because orange is one of my school's colors so it's everywhere, including my classroom. This is a picture of my back wall. I teach Science, Math, and Yearbook. Can you tell what the different items represent? On the far left I have our Yearbook Planning board, that helps us keep track of what pages we have worked on so far. Next to that, we have the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens which we talked about on the first day of school. These also kind of serve as my class rules (Be Proactive, Begin with the End in Mind, Put First Things First, Think Win-Win, Seek First to Understand and Then to be Understood, Synergize - work together, Sharpen the Saw - take care of yourself). Next to that is my clock, which is two minutes fast, much to the dismay of my students, and the steps of the Scientific Method. After that is the Periodic Table of Elements and the Roman Numerals. You may also notice some random folded pieces of paper along this wall. This was from a multiplication scavenger hunt I did a few weeks ago with the kids. Each paper has a famous mathematician and a multiplication problem that leads to a different paper. At the bottom of each paper is an answer to a different problem. The kids had a lot of fun with that one because they got to get out of their chairs.

Day 5: Black

Because I can....Sonograms are black (and white). This is a picture of my son...wow, that sounds weird coming from me. I've managed to wrap my head around the fact that I am pregnant and will have a baby this February, but when I think in terms of "Mom" and "Son" it adds a whole new level to it! Anyway....Look at that little thumb-sucker! Isn't he cute??? He gets increasingly more active with each day, usually when I am sitting down. 22 weeks and counting!

Day 6: Moon

Thursday night we had a full moon, and even though I don't have a fancy camera, I had to do my best to shoot it. There is something about gazing at a full moon that quiets your soul and begs you to stop everything and listen to the world around you. My in-laws live in a neighborhood in the city, but it is its own little woodland haven. Each of the houses has a huge yard surrounded by trees. In the morning and evenings, deer can be seen grazing on the grass, and some lucky residents have been able to coax them into eating out of their hands. It is a beautiful little retreat that allows you to forget you live in the middle of the city. Everything was quiet and still the other night, and the moonlight was gorgeous.  I was so excited that the rays showed up in the picture. I love the yellow houselight as well. I think it adds a little bit more October to the picture. ;-)




Day 7: Candy

In general, I am not a huge candy fan, but one must make allowances for chocolate. Especially when that chocolate is dark chocolate and combined with almonds. I'm not sure if this technically even counts as candy. It's more of a sophisticated snack.

These things are AMAZING and dangerous. Much more dangerous than candy. If you are thinking of purchasing some, be aware: They have addictive properties! Proceed with caution.

Okay, well that's all I've got for this week. Hopefully, I will be creative enough (and have enough time), to continue. We will see. Feel free to post your own finds in the comments. Either way, I hope you have a beautiful October!

Examining Beliefs

"Truth doesn't mind being questioned," my parents told me as I was growing up. I have always looked at this statement as something solid that I could hold on to. If truth is truth, it will hold up under pressure.

That's great.

Until you are questioned on something you have always accepted as true without putting much thought into it.

Suddenly, your beliefs are challenged by someone who HAS thought about things and come to a different conclusion. They actually have reason and evidence to back up their claims. Does that mean that what you believe is no longer true? Does that mean you were wrong?

There are two possible answers:

1. No, they just came to a different conclusion than you and your theory or belief is just as valid as theirs.


Or...


2. You may be the one in the wrong.


This possibility scares us. We don't like that scenario. We dismiss it immediately, discounting the other party as radical, or emotional, or extreme. We come up with all kinds of theories for why they believe what they believe, never once asking, but assuming we know their motivation.  To ask questions would be to grant validity to their opposing view, and we can't have that. To look into their evidence would be to admit that they possibly have good reasons for believing as they do, and that could lead into a discussion we are not prepared to have.

No, it is better to stay away from such arguments and listen to people that agree with us. Accept their much smarter-sounding arguments, and look at their single-sourced reasons. That's safe. It reaffirms what we have always known to be true without having to hold it up to the light.

There are two problems with this approach and they both stem from a frightening fact: If we choose to respond to arguments this way, we don't actually believe that the truth is truth and it will hold up under pressure.

Problem 1:
By not taking the time to examine our belief system, we may persist in a belief that is not only wrong but also harmful to ourselves or others. We perpetuate lies. We walk blindly into situations that will end up being a trap for us. We allow suffering to continue.

History is filled with examples of this

Nazi Germany

Child Labor

Jim Crow Laws

American Slavery

Human Trafficking

Pick an issue. We are not blameless.

We turn a blind eye to what is actually happening because we don't like to think about what it would mean if it were true. We listen to the voice that brings comfort and says the right things. The correct things. The things that sound like truth. The voice that says the right key words.

"Did God ACTUALLY say...." Genesis 3:1
"You will not surely die." - Genesis 3:4
"God know..." - Genesis 3:5

Instead of questioning it, we accept it because it sounds like truth. We do not hold it up to the light and other things we know to be true.

We rationalize. We ignore things that cause us to question ourselves and the people we love. We choose to believe a lie.

If we listen to enough lies we will eventually forget what truth is. Truth will become relative. Truth will be what we want to hear.


Problem 2:
By not examining our beliefs, and the beliefs of others, we are powerless to defend against beliefs that actually ARE wrong. They have better arguments, they have valid reasons for believing as they do, and yet they are wrong. We have no right to argue with them, however, because we have not done our research. We have not examined or listened to their arguments to understand where they are coming from.  They will not listen to us because we are uninformed and we have ignored and dismissed them.

Any way you cut it, our unwillingness to examine truth allows darkness to continue, in ourselves and in others.

As Christians, this should terrify us because we are called to be witnesses to this world. How can we do that if we choose not to engage with it? This means we may have to examine our own beliefs. We might be wrong. If we are, we need to own it. If we are not, we need to fully understand and be able to defend our positions.

If I believe in truth, I need to allow it to do its work.  I should not feel threatened when people ask me a question to which I have no answer. I need to think about why I have no answer. I need to struggle with my beliefs and examine other viewpoints prayerfully. I need to find the light, and bring it to others.

There are many things that may change in this world, including my beliefs on certain issues. There is only one thing that is constant, and that God. His truth will hold up every time.

There are many things that are challenging me right now, particularly because of society's volatile response to these issues:

What is my role as a Christian living in America?
Should Christians pledge allegiance to anything or anyone other than God?
Should we really respect all leaders and those in positions of authority?
Does it really matter if someone kneels instead of stands?
How should I react if I see a wrong that needs to be righted?
Is the history I have always studied an accurate account of what happened?
What should my response be to someone who is suffering regardless of the cause?

Several people in my life have answers to these questions. Not surprisingly, they disagree.

What do I do with that?

First, I need to recognize that people in my life who I care deeply about will not always agree with each other, or me.

Second, I need to realize that I am not God, and am therefore subject to mistakes, including mistakes in my beliefs. I cannot assume that I am right and someone else is wrong. We are both human. Eventually, one of us is going to get something wrong.  I need to seek the truth outside of people's opinions.

Third, I need to figure out what I believe, independent of others. I need to ask people I disagree with how they came to their beliefs and actually listen to what they say. I need to examine the evidence, or lack thereof, they lay before me.  I need to think critically about what they say and how it lines up with my own observations and experience. I need to do my own research into the matter and vary my sources.

And I need to decide. I may come to a different conclusion, or I may see that they actually have a point. But whatever conclusion I come to, I will have a reason for what I believe.

In the end, I will be held responsible for me. I cannot be careless.

If what I believe is true, it will hold up under questioning.

Father, please help me to hold myself accountable for the things I profess to be true. Help me to seek truth and not be afraid to question it, no matter what it leads to, knowing that You will not lead me astray.

“If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

John 8:31-32

 "And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed.  But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.”

John 3: 19-21

"but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame."

1 Peter 3:15-16

"The brothers[a] immediately sent Paul and Silas away by night to Berea, and when they arrived they went into the Jewish synagogue. Now these Jews were more noble than those in Thessalonica; they received the word with all eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see if these things were so.

Acts 17:10-11

"If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth."

1 John 1:6

"Let no one deceive himself. If anyone among you thinks that he is wise in this age, let him become a fool that he may become wise."

1 Corinthians 3:18

Summer of Changes

Greetings everyone!

This has been a long and crazy summer, full of a LOT of life changes that I was not expecting at all. I have been working on this blog entry since mid-July at least, and am finally finishing it right as summer closes. Even after I posted it the first time, I have gone back two or three times to add things I forgot to mention. It is interesting to look back and see where I was a couple months ago with all of the changes that have taken place. In some ways, I am still there. However, looking back, I am able to see God's constancy and His grace. I am so thankful to have a God who loves me in spite of myself.

This will be a very long entry, so feel free to skip. It will not hurt my feelings. I needed to post this for a couple of reasons. #1: Writing this entry has helped me process a lot of the changes that have taken place and I wanted to share that with you. #2: I have several ideas for different blog entries that I can't get to until I get this one posted and we move on with life.

All that being said, let me tell you about my summer....

JUNE
*The day after school ended for the year, my co-workers and I were told by our Board of Trustees that the school would be closing due to low enrollment for the Fall semester.  This was not something any of us had been expecting. Enrollment had been down for a couple of years, due to a lot of factors, but I think most of us felt that we were past the scary part. We had a donor ready to build us a building, we had an advertising deal with a Christian radio station, the staff had put countless hours into making each event a success, and the parents were supportive.

To say this was a devastating blow would be an understatement. Many of us had worked at this school for several years. This was my first job outside of college. Matthew had started working there part-time while going to school so it was as much his school as mine. We were each other's family. My co-workers' kids were like my nieces and nephews. My students were my babies. We had watched these kids grew up. We had their parents' numbers on speed dial. I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. We sat in the room weeping and going through all five stages of grief like a hamster on a hamster wheel.

When I packed up my room, it was for the last time. I had no idea what I would be teaching next year if I would be teaching next year, or where I would be teaching next year. All I knew was that the best school in the world was closing and my heart was breaking.

*One week later, this happened:



Yeah.

So, hubby and I have not exactly been "trying" but we were okay with an "accident". That is, we were okay with an accident when I had a full-time job and we had a regular income.

Here's the thing about accidents: Apparently, you don't get to choose the circumstances of the event. Hence it being an accident.

Who knew?

I had been two weeks late, which didn't necessarily scare me because I had been irregular lately. But I wanted to be sure, especially in light of recent events.  I took the test, expecting the one little line to confirm that I was not pregnant.

I did a double take when there were two lines, and took a second test to confirm that my eyes were not playing tricks on me. Then, I looked up at the ceiling and went, "Really, God?! NOW?!"

In all my daydreams of getting pregnant, accidentally or otherwise, none of them included this scenario where both of us were unemployed. I was not excited, and that frustrated me because something like this was supposed to be a joyous occasion! All I could think about was the fact that we were both unemployed, my support system was disintegrating, and I had no idea how to make plans.

*The following week, I went to serve as a senior counselor at Camp Lu-Jo KISMIF with one of my best friends, and former Principal Julie. I'm not going to lie, it was the last place I wanted to be and I tried to think of lots of excuses for backing out. Fortunately, hubby wouldn't let me.

That week was rough, but I ended up being so glad that I went. For starters, the theme was Unstoppable Faith. Every single day there was a message that I specifically needed to hear.  Sometimes, quite unintentionally, it was through my own lessons as I talked to my 7th-grade girls about faith. It was like God was shouting at me, "You're going to be okay! I've got you!"

*The week after that Julie and I took a trip to Washington DC and New York City for some MUCH needed vacation time. We had been planning this trip since October when we found out that Anastasia was going to be on Broadway! We had a blast nerding out at the Smithsonian in DC and all the awesomeness of New York. One of the best things was that her cousin got us backstage passes and we got to see the set up close and personal! We even got to meet a couple of the actors, though sadly, I missed out on getting Anastasia's autograph.  I was very thankful for this trip. It was a good time for processing and enjoying life before going back to the real world.

*Before we left on our trip to New York, I had been offered a position teaching at another small private school about 40 minutes from where I live and I had almost accepted it but decided to wait. While I was in DC I got another offer for an interview and decided to delay my decision even longer.  I went to the interview, really liked the job, the people, and the environment, but unfortunately, they chose to go with someone else.  While I was disappointed, I am thankful that I chose to go to that interview because it highlighted for me several things that were missing from the other offer. Consequently, I decided to turn it down. This felt, and still feels, like it was the right move, but unfortunately, it put me back to square one on the job hunt.


JULY
*The first week of July things started to change fast. I was frantically filling out applications to every school district in the area and applying for every opening listed on their website. Julie started the process of moving to her new job in another city. Matthew and I got our first sonogram and the whole pregnancy thing started becoming real to me. As I smiled for the first time about my pregnancy, my train of thought went something like this:

Yes, I am definitely pregnant. There is a baby inside me. Isn't that little peanut cute?! Awww its little heart is beating!  It's going to come out eventually and want to be fed. Then I have to keep it alive for eighteen years. Not to mention the nine months before it shows its adorable little head. I still don't have a job....

I had been playing phone tag with the unemployment office all summer long and trying to get on Medicaid for pregnant women and kept running into confusion and bureaucrats. I applied for part-time positions, thinking I would stack jobs if I had to. I applied for minimum wage jobs at tutoring centers.  Those were the only places that called me back wanting to set up interviews. It wasn't ideal but it would work. Matthew had a part-time position lined up at a University Model school teaching Computer Applications that would at least cover the rent so all I needed was a full-time job or two part-time jobs that paid SOMETHING. 

One Saturday evening, after I had a meltdown freaking out over where we were, or rather where we weren't, Matthew casually suggested I expand my search to San Antonio, where his parents live. We would have a support system. We already love the church there. There were family members who could help us get jobs. We had friends in the area. So I started applying because I was out of options, not really loving the idea because at that point the idea was Matthew would stay to fulfill his commitment to his job while getting the house ready to sell and I would be in San Antonio by myself.

The following Monday, Matthew's school called and said that, due to enrollment, they were cutting his classes, and therefore his salary, to half of what he had originally signed up for.

We took that as a sign from God and San Antonio went from being a possible backup plan to our only consideration. The more we thought about it the more right it felt. Matthew started working on fixing up the house that week and we began making plans to move to San Antonio by the end of August.

While selling our house and furniture, putting our stuff in storage, and moving in with parents may not seem ideal, this is a huge blessing to us for a lot of reasons:

1. We will be able to pay off the rest of our student debt which means we can focus on saving for our own house.

2. Matthew's parents are allowing us to stay at their house rent free

3. Family connections can help us find jobs and give us support when the baby comes

The tentative plan was that, after fixing up the house to sell, Matthew would come down and continue to go to school and get his Computer Programming certificate. I would substitute teach for the year. I had pretty much resigned myself to this plan and felt good about it. It would give me time to build a relationship with the school districts, and I would have the flexibility I needed for when the baby came.

Then came August....
*Remember the part where I get a whole year to adjust to my new circumstances? HA! That was a good one.

*So, as I am fighting pregnancy fatigue and trying to pack up our earthly belongings, and reconcile myself to my new life, I get a call from a school called Living Rock Academy in Bulverde, Texas about a Math and Science position for Middle School. This is a week and a half before school starts.

I actually debated with myself.

Math and Science. Taught Math before. Not Science. More of a Language Arts/History person. On the other hand, it's a small private school which is what I want. But Math and Science! But regular paycheck....

After more "discussions" with God, I called them back. I had a phone interview with a board member. I scheduled an interview for the following Monday. I went to the interview the following Monday, was offered the job and accepted it on Tuesday, and began in-service on Wednesday.

Since then I feel as if I haven't stopped.

Since then, I have set up my classroom, begun learning new content and curriculum, navigated new waters with my new school and location, bought a new(er) car, carpooled for school trips twice, found out we're having a boy, and seen my husband four almost-consecutive weekends in a row.

Matthew is still in Dallas renovating our house to sell and probably will be for at least another couple of weeks. Most of my stuff is in storage, and I haven't had a whole lot of time to go through the stuff that is not in storage. There are many things about our situation that are not ideal, and many times I cry out to God, "WHY did you have to mess up my perfect life!"

Have you ever tried to argue with the Creator of the Universe? He's much better at it than we are. Something about being omniscient or something. After I am finished telling him what should have happened and how much better things would have been if they had, He reminds me of where I am and how good I actually have it.

The people I work with are great, and I am so thankful to be in a small private school with a regular income, rather than having to depend on a call from the school district for a one-time job. The Principal has been very flexible in allowing me to leave early for prenatal appointments, and he didn't even bat an eye when I told him in the interview that I was pregnant.

There are still adjustments to be made, and things that take some getting used to, such as learning how to teach different subjects than I am used to. But I feel as if this next school year is about growth for me. I definitely feel the growing pains.

I have found a place to have the baby that is run by midwives who work with the hospital, and they accept Medicaid! So far, I have had a great experience with the two women I have met with, and look forward to continuing to build a relationship with these women who will deliver my baby.

I am closer to my sister and my best friend, Kayla and could see both of them in a day trip.

I am living rent free with my in-laws while we work out the details of selling our home, paying off debt, and figuring out this next phase of our life. Many people in Texas have lost their homes and their possessions and do not have this luxury.

I don't understand why my school had to close and everything had to change. But looking back over the past several months I see God's faithfulness and His patience with me. A patience and a faithfulness my impatient and faithless heart does not deserve.  When I throw spiritual tantrums, He responds with gentleness like a parent who knows their child is just scared.

There are many things I still do not know about our future. I can't even guess where we will be a year from now. I will probably continue to have days when I mourn the loss of my old life before I can move on.

But as I was writing about this whole mess in my personal journal, telling God how much more comfortable I would feel if there was a plan, He reminded me that there is a plan. He's got it all worked out, and I need to trust Him.

There is a purpose. God will not waste this time. He is working something out that I can't even imagine. I will look forward to the day when I get to know what that is. I will continue to wait. I will trust in Him.

Matthew says I rely too heavily on knowing all the details. He might be right. My plans did not involve the school closing and my co-workers, friends, and students scattering. But so far, everyone who has gotten a job has ended up exactly where they need to be in a situation that makes sense for them. God has been present throughout this whole yucky mess and reminded me through His people that He loves me and I'm going to be okay.

Here are some of my moments from this summer:

A month before school let out I had ordered a t-shirt for Julie that said, "Faith Over Fear". It arrived the DAY they told us the news about the school closing.

A few weeks ago, I received this postcard and keychain from the staff at Camp Lu-Jo, reminding me to have Faith.

Julie found out while we were at camp that she had gotten a job as a Principal in a city two hours away from where we lived. When I was simultaneously trying to be happy for my friend and trying not to cry, someone from her home group noticed me struggling and made a point to give me a hug and encourage me.

As soon as they heard the news, my sister, best friend since childhood, and my part-time sister all reached out to me with specific gifts and notes of encouragement letting me know they were there for me.


A Principal starting a new school came to buy furniture and school supplies from NTCA. While she was there, she prayed over us.

Parents advocated for jobs for me while they looked for a new school for their students.

One post on Facebook gathered a group of people from the school together in one spot to spend time together because we love each other.

A friend from church reached out to Matthew and gave him a contract job setting up the internet in his new office.

And finally there's this:

As I was going through the initial stages of going through my stuff and deciding what to sell, throw away, or pack, I came across this bag from last year's Texas Christian Schools Conference.  I hope you notice the theme:

It's almost as if God knew and was preparing us for it.

God's timing is perfect. I don't understand it, but I trust in it. I don't always feel it. But I have been clinging to this knowledge that God has a plan and I can trust Him with my life.

I still don't know what He has in store for me, Matthew, or Little One.

As my Grandad used to say,

"I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know Who holds tomorrow."

We're going to be okay.

Ask ye what great thing I know

that delights and stirs me so?

What the high reward I win?

Whose the name I glory in?

Jesus Christ, the Crucified.

 Who defeats my fiercest foes?

Who consoles my saddest woes?

Who revives my waiting heart,

healing all its hidden smart?

Jesus Christ, the Crucified.

 Who is life in life to me?

Who the death of death will be?

Who will place me on His right

with the countless hosts of light?

Jesus Christ, the Crucified.

 This is that great thing I know;

this delights and stirs me so:

faith in Him who died to save,

Him who triumphed o'er the grave,

Jesus Christ, the Crucified.

Johann C. Schwedler