Maybe you were shamed for asking for (or even just wanting) help from someone else. Maybe other people justified their lack of help as "tough love", but it really felt like indifference to your pain. And because you loved these people you accepted it because it was easier to hold onto the pain that you were used to anyway than change the way you viewed these people. Maybe you watched your parents, siblings, children go without and were told "Just work hard and you'll eventually be fine." And maybe that was hard to watch but you were told to take pride in your suffering and hard work and sacrifices...and you did.
"Why is it okay for these people to get help, but I had to suffer?" may be the question you are afraid to voice.
The answer...it wasn't okay. Your anger is justified. You needed someone to love and support you through that rough spot. You needed someone to help you with groceries, watch your kids so you could work, give you hope. It may not have completely taken the pain away, but it would have made it easier to bear. You would have felt cared for and not alone. I'm so sorry no one did that for you.
And maybe you learned important skills through that suffering that serve you well today. I am so proud of you for enduring through hardship and not allowing yourself to be conquered by it.
And the skills that you gained from that experience are so valuable because you now have a perspective that you didn't have before. You know what it's like to be hurt and you know it's possible to come out stronger. You have the opportunity to empathize with people in a way that others who have not known hardship can't. You can redeem your own story by being for other people what you wish someone had been for you. Giving them the support you wish you had, whether that is financial, physical, emotional, or spiritual. And how powerful that will be coming from someone who has been where they have been.
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If you have suffered socially because you held to your convictions, hoping that those who claimed to share your faith would support you or, at the very least, accept you...it may be hard for you to see someone else clinging to beliefs that are false, harmful, and counter to what they claim to believe. You may feel abandoned, betrayed, and lied to. You used to believe the same things, but then you saw something that changed your mind and it wasn't even that difficult! Why can't they just stand up for what's right? Why can't they see how they are harming people?
Maybe, because of how you were raised by these same people, you were taught to love everyone. Maybe your convictions have led you to befriend people in different circles. Maybe because of these people you have changed your views. Maybe listening to others has helped you to see them as people loved and created by God. Maybe you have expanded your circles. And now it's very hard to see these people suffer. It's harder still to hear the people who taught you kindness speak so flippantly about those who are suffering. To hear those who taught you to follow Jesus support someone who is actively hurting the children and immigrants that Jesus told us to love.
Your anger is justified. Living in the gap between what you were taught by the very people who gave you your faith in the first place and the injustice you see every day is painful. It's lonely. It's discouraging.
And I am so proud of you for living in integrity anyway. For following your convictions even when they take you in a different place from the people who raised you. You honor them by doing this, even when they don't understand.
And I am so glad you have the courage to do so. I am so glad you have had enough people in your life that have spoken empowerment and love and gentleness and acceptance into your life that you could trust yourself when you felt something was wrong. I'm so glad that you were given (at some point) the skills and opportunities to see outside of your circle of origin to where you could encounter different points of view in order to learn from them. I am so proud of you for taking the tenants of faith you were raised with INTO these new scenarios and leaning into them BECAUSE of what you believe about Jesus.
This is so powerful, because you now have a perspective you didn't have before. You have grown. You have learned to listen. You have learned to differentiate between the authorities you trusted and what you know from experience to be true. Have the opportunity to speak acceptance and love and gentleness and empowerment to other people who may be privately struggling with their own beliefs. You can call people to a higher standard with empathy for those who aren't where you are yet, by sharing your own life experiences and what they have taught you. How powerful that can be coming from someone who has been where they've been.
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"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:4-9
If you have not suffered hardship to the point where you were in profound physical, emotional, or spiritual pain...to the point where you questioned your faith and everything you were taught to believe, or maybe you weren't allowed to question. Maybe you felt that if you questioned you would automatically lose. So you stuffed it. You soldiered on. You didn't allow yourself to have a spiritual crisis.....
It may be very hard for you to empathize with people walking away from the faith or the party you associate with being friendly towards your faith.
Maybe you were raised with more healthy church settings than unhealthy ones. Maybe you saw the good and the bad and had enough good experiences to know that there are churches trying to do their best in a broken world.
It may be hard for you to understand how people can't see the good that can come from the imperfect church.
Maybe you're just removed enough from the crisis of the immigrant and those living in poverty that it does not impact your day-to-day life.
It may be hard for you to distinguish between worth standing up for and what's worth letting go.
It may feel threatening to you when other people use your own scriptures against you.
It may feel scary to walk away from the institutions, party, platforms, and people that were the "Safe, moral choice."
It may be hard to see nuance.
It may be hard to live with "and".
What I want to say to you is that it is okay to question. It is okay to not be certain. It is okay to not have the answers. It's okay to seek understanding. To listen to and believe other people's stories, especially if you have never experienced the same things from the same institutions. It does not invalidate your own experience, it adds to it.
You will not lose your faith by being honest about the things that give you pause. God will not abandon you for listening to a perspective different from your own. He is big enough to sustain you through your doubts, and He is big enough to bring you to the other side.
Just like Paul.
Just like Moses.
Just like Naaman.
Just like the rich man who went away sad when Jesus asked him to give up his wealth.
Just like Thomas.
Just like Peter.
Just like countless other people who were stretched, who doubted, who questioned.
He will not leave you.
"Our faith is a living thing precisely because it walks hand-in-hand with doubt. If there was only certainty and no doubt, there would be no mystery. And therefore, no need for faith." - Conclave
"Truth does not fear dissection -- it thrives under it." Democritus.
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