Review for By Darkness Hid by Jill Williamson

I think I may have found another author to add to my list of favorites. I'll be honest, it took me a while to get into this book, but once I did MAN was I hooked! This book is currently free on Kindle till the end of July I think. Check it out!

The author also has podcasts of herself reading this book, and the second in the series on her website at JillWilliamson.com. Look under Podcasts or Freebies. She has a lot of other really cool resources as well if you are an aspiring author.

If you love epic fantasy, you will love The Blood of Kings trilogy.

By Darkness Hid: My Review
A boy, unaware of his powerful gift, jumps at the chance to become a knight, hoping to win the hand of his childhood friend and escape his life of slavery. A girl goes into hiding, disguising herself as a boy to escape marriage to a loathful prince. Both of them, drawn together by circumstances neither of them chose, have an important role to play in the redemption of a kingdom taken over by darkness!

Achan Cham wants nothing more than to marry his childhood sweetheart and live in his own cottage somewhere, free from servitude to a cruel master. When a knight takes notice of him and offers to train him as his squire, he readily accepts. One day, he begins to hear strange voices. Voices who want to know who he is! Is he going mad? What is Sir Gavin not telling him?

Vrell Sparrow wants nothing to do with Prince Gidon, who seeks to marry her by whatever means necessary to gain control of her land. To save herself from being married against her will, she goes into hiding, disguises herself as a boy, and becomes apprenticed to a healer. When a powerful man senses her gift of blood voicing and summons her to be his new apprentice, she has no choice but to comply.  As she develops her gift, her disguise becomes more difficult to maintain. Then she hears the voice of a blood-voicer, who does not understand the strength of his gift, or how to control it. Who is this man and why does her master seek him?

This story snuck up on me. It started out slow, as Williams craftily established the setting and the characters. It was interesting enough to keep my attention, mainly because I could tell she was setting the reader up for something big. She did a very good job of keeping that "something big" a secret until the final moment! However, it did not really grip me until about halfway through the story. After that, my problem was going to bed on time. Achan is a very believable teenage boy and one of the best male characters written by a woman I have ever read. He is awkward, uncertain, and somewhat self-centered at times. Deep down he has a beautiful heart that only wants to take care of someone. Vrell’s story was equally compelling, and I was on edge with her the entire time as she worked to maintain her disguise.  I loved the role she plays in the story, and how hard she works to help Achan. I also loved the idea of “blood voicing”, which is basically the ability to communicate with others telepathically, and how it played into the story.

Finally, I loved how Williamson dealt with very real issues faced by teens today. Her stories address issues such as Godly relationships, temptation, honesty, sacrifice, and other moral and ethical dilemmas that modern day teens might face. She does not sugarcoat the consequences of bad decisions, but neither does she glorify them. What I appreciate most in her stories is the message of hope.
If you love stories with “Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, true love, miracles…..” this is the series for you. If you are intrigued by the idea of communicating telepathically with others, this is the series for you. If you love stories that address difficult issues and deal with them in an authentic way, this is the series for you. I hope you enjoy Darkness Hid and it's sequels, To Darkness Fled and From Darkness Won.

Jonah, Jonah, Jonah....A Commentary

I will not be reviewing this book in this post because it has been several years since I have read it. However, it was through this book, that I first remember encountering the whole story of Jonah.

Bible Class Version:

God tells Jonah to go to Ninevah and tell them to repent.
Jonah says "no", and runs away.
God sends a storm. Jonah is thrown overboard and the storm stops.
Jonah is swallowed by a big fish (or whale if you read the KJV) and prays inside its belly for three days)
Fish pukes Jonah out on shore, Jonah preaches, Ninevah repents.

The End

Then one day I discovered this delightful little children's book, written in rhyme, about a girl who is reading her Bible and is transported back into Jonah's story. Imagine my shock when I read that Jonah wasn't at all happy that Ninevah repented. In fact, he threw a big hissy fit over it!

"Someone has been changing the Bible story," I said disapprovingly, as I put the book back on the shelf. "I'm going to go read the actual story, and then have this heretic book removed from the library!"

Sure enough, when I read the story in the actual Bible for the first time, it said the same thing. After Ninevah repented, Jonah cries out to God,

"O LORD, is not this what I said when I was yet in my country? That is why I made haste to flee to Tarshish; for I KNEW that you are a gracious God and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and relenting from disaster. Therefore now, O LORD, please take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live." -- Jonah 4: 2-3

Wow. Seriously, Jonah?

Then Jonah goes outside the city and waits for God to smite them....still. Even though he knows they've repented and God has forgiven them, he's still holding out hope that maybe they'll still get their comeuppance.  They still get a consequence, right? It can't be that easy! Where's the justice?

So while he's sitting there pouting, God gives him a plant to shade his hot little head and Jonah's very happy about it. The next day, God gives the plant to a worm, who attacks the plant and eats it up. THEN he sends a scorching wind and a hot sun to make Jonah even more uncomfortable.

Jonah throws another hissy fit.

"It is better for me to die that to live!" Jonah 4:8

God says, "Seriously?" ["Do you do well to be angry for the plant?" v.9]

Jonah says, "Yes! Seriously!" ["Yes, I do well to be angry. Angry enough to die!" v.9]

He has got to know how ridiculous he's being, right? I mean, it's like having a conversation with an emotional preteen....*looks over shoulder* I mean....what?

"You pity the plant, for which you did not labor, nor did you make it grow, which came into being in a night and perished in a night. And should I not pity Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than 120,000 PERSONS who do not know their right hand from their left, and also much cattle." Jonah 4:10-11

Ouch.

Translation: Your perspective is really messed up.

I can sit here all day and judge Jonah for his lack of compliance, his lack of compassion, and his lack of respect....and I would be so guilty of all three. How many times have I known God wanted me to do something and I chose to ignore Him? How many times have I had a difficult time forgiving someone and actually wished for them to get what they deserved? Yes, I have even been guilty of resenting an "outsider" for receiving God's love and compassion through one of His servants.

Wow. I'm a jerk.

Here's what sticks out to me from the story of Jonah:

1.You can't hide from God. Seriously, it doesn't work.

2. Jonah did not want to preach to the Ninevites. Did not want them to repent. Did not want God to forgive them. And yet, HE was the one God chose. And they still repented, and God still forgave them. God can use anybody, even those who don't want to serve Him, to do His will. Never think that He can't use someone with a poor attitude.

3. I love the way God speaks to Jonah throughout this story. Even when Jonah is throwing fits, God is patient with him. Almost as if he is equally concerned with Jonah's character development as he is with Ninevah's repentance. Kind of like a father talking to his son. Actually, it's very similar to the conversation that takes place in Luke 15 between the father of the prodigal son and his older brother,

" But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, but he answered his father, ‘Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!’ And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead and is alive; he was lost and is found ” Luke 15:28-32

God cares about all his people, even the judgemental. He doesn't shun them when they are being the worst version of themselves. He goes after them, and is patient with them while he waits for their heart to change.

I am thankful that I serve a God who makes every effort to bring lost ones back into the fold. I am equally thankful that He is patient with me, when I fail to be a willing servant. I am thankful for Grace.

I would love to hear your thoughts. What stand out to you about the story of Jonah?

Why is history important?

Dear Students Who Don't Read My Blog,

You ask me why history is important.Why should we study about people and events from hundreds of years ago? I tell you that history repeats itself. I tell you those who do not study history are doomed to repeat it. To myself I quietly add that those who do study history are doomed to watch everyone else repeat it, but that's another blog post. I tell you that these were real people who faced real-life problems and we can learn important lessons from them.

I believe all of the above to be true. But there is another reason we study history, and it became clear to me yesterday as I read through my daily Bible reading plan.  I was reading Psalm 77. The writer begins his psalm in despair. He is crying out to God and receiving no comfort. God is silent and angry. He wonders if God has forgotten him and lost all compassion for him.

“Will the Lord reject forever?
    Will he never show his favor again?
8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
    Has his promise failed for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be merciful?
    Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”
Psalm 77:7-9

Have you ever felt this way, students? I have. Knowing I should cry out to God, but feeling so wretched in my sin that prayer seemed useless. God seemed silent and far away. I knew He was there, but I could not access Him.

But that is never the end of the story!

As I continued to read, it was as if the writer knew his questions of God were not in line with His true nature. He begins to talk himself out of despair by reviewing the history of God with His people.

Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
    the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand.
11 I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
    yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12 I will consider all your works
    and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”
Psalm 77:10-12

He then remembers how God led his people out of Egypt, and how he parted the Red Sea. He reminds himself who God is.

Your ways, God, are holy.
    What god is as great as our God?
14 You are the God who performs miracles;
    you display your power among the peoples.
Psalm 77:13-14

Psalm 78 continues,

My people, hear my teaching;
    listen to the words of my mouth.
2 I will open my mouth with a parable;
    I will utter hidden things, things from of old—
3 things we have heard and known,
    things our ancestors have told us.
4 We will not hide them from their descendants;
    we will tell the next generation
the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord,
    his power, and the wonders he has done.
Psalm 78:1-4

He remembers all that God has done for Israel since the time of Jacob. How he brought them out of slavery, provided them with the law, fed them in the desert, and continued to be faithful, even when Israel turned away. 

He acknowledges their sin. He knows that Israel is responsible for the broken relationship with God. But by looking back he sees God's faithfulness throughout the brokenness. This enables him to pray to his Creator and to know His presence again. 

Why is history important? Because it shows us patterns that we cannot see in the present.  Sometimes we feel abandoned and forgotten. Sometimes we feel that God does not listen to our prayers. But when we look back we will see His hand in our lives. It is always there. Whether we choose to take hold of it is our choice. The truth may not always feel true at the moment, but it will always hold up to questioning. By studying my past I am able to see the truth about who God is and who I am with Him and without Him. Because of my past, I know that my future will be brighter if I walk with God.

Review for Dare by Tricia Mingerink

Have you ever felt paralyzed by fear? Have you ever watched events unfold and know you could stop them or change them if only you had enough courage? Have you ever hated yourself for your lack of bravery? If the answer to any of these questions is “Yes!” then you share something in common with the two main characters of Tricia Mingerink’s debut novel, Dare.

Third Blade Leith Torren, one of King Respen’s most trusted assassins, is wounded on a mission for the king and finds himself at the mercy of two girls whose parents’ deaths he was responsible for four years ago. Renna uses her skills as a healer to save his life though she fears for her own, and that of her sister’s, should he learn of their forbidden faith. If she was brave she would not hide it from this wounded stranger. If she were brave she could forgive him for his part in her parents’ deaths. But Renna is not brave. As Leith is slowly nursed back to health he dreads the day he will be well enough to return to the king. If he was brave he would have stayed out in the cold and bled to death, rather than bring trouble on this family. If he was brave he would lie to the king about what he has seen and heard. But Leith is not brave. And the day is getting closer when he will need to make a decision.

I felt as if this book were written for me. Like Renna, I am a very introverted person, especially when placed in uncertain situations. I have felt that same fear and uncertainty that holds her back (though, in my case, I have never feared for my life). I have experienced that same temptation to hide behind my fear and tell myself I am not one of those “brave people” who take risks. I felt for Leith as he struggled with his own fear for his life and for his soul. I sympathized with the supporting characters as they shared their faith with those they cared about, and as they watched them struggle to believe in a God who loves them. 
From the very first line, the plot and the characters snatched me into the story. I felt as if I was living the events with them. There are characters everyone can relate to and admire, from the tortured Leith Torren to the fearful Renna Faythe, and her fearless sister, Brandi. The character development in this book was phenomenal. If you secretly love books that make it impossible for you to do anything “productive”, this is a book for you. I anxiously await the sequel!

Schooling versus Raising Children

"You don't know this? Oh, that's right, you were homeschooled."

"They have no social skills. They were homeschooled."

"I would hate being homeschooled."

"Homeschooling is the worst thing you could do for a kid."

"I forget, you were homeschooled. You didn't have any friends."

"So and so was homeschooled, which basically means they did nothing all day."

I smile like I'm not offended and swallow my annoyance. I have been dealing with this my whole life. People say stuff like this all the time, sometimes in jest, and sometimes before they know I was homeschooled. They hasten to assure me I am the exception to the rule, or they say silly things like, "I love you anyway." Neither response serves to sooth my injured sense of identity.  What I feel like they are really saying is, "You came from a horrible situation, but by some miracle you managed to turn out okay." I feel like they are negating all the good my parents did for me by homeschooling.

I do not subscribe to the idea that homeschooling is the only correct way to educate or parent your children. I recognize that it does not work for every family. I recognize it has been done well and that it has not been done well. I support your decision to send your child to public school as long as you don't check out on your child's education and leave everything up to the system. I feel the same way if you send your child to private school. I feel the same way about sending your child to Bible class at church.

However, I do have a problem with the argument that homeschooling results in unsocialized, uneducated children. False. Lack of intentional interaction results in unsocialized children. Lack of intentional educating results in uneducated children. There are children in public AND private schools that have poor social skills. This is not a result of the system. They came to school that way. I'm not saying it is entirely the parents' fault either. How many of you can say you were NOT socially awkward at one point in time or another? I am a result of a homeschooling family. When I am socially awkward it is because I am shy, not because I don't know how to interact with other people. I also happen to be an introvert. This is not a result of being homeschooled. This is my personality.

It is not the school system's job, public or private, to raise your children into self-sufficient, socialized adults. That is your job. In my role as a teacher in a Christian school, I do my best to challenge my students in different ways, academically as well as socially, and I am allowed to do so from a Biblical perspective, but I have limited power.  I cannot raise your children and I cannot fulfill all of their social-emotional needs. Does that mean I shirk my duty while they are under my care? Of course not! But what it does mean is that if you depend upon me to raise your child eight hours a day, your child's needs are not going to be met, and it could result in social (or even academic) discrepancies.  You are the person they come to at the end of the day to process. You are the constant who has been with them from the moment their life began. You know the whole child. I only know that child I see during the school day. I don't know how they interact with their siblings, what's going on at home, or how far they have come from when they started school. I don't know what struggles they have had in the past or what baggage they bring with them when they enter my classroom. You DO!

Let's flip the coin a bit. If you are a homeschooling family you have more influence over your children, and you have more flexibility in how you raise and educate them.  However, if you want to raise well-educated, socialized human beings, you will need to take advantage of some outside resources. You will need to allow, and encourage your children to interact with other people outside your home, of different beliefs, different age groups, and different cultures. For instance, if you take a trip to Europe because you can, you might have to make your eleven-year-old daughter order hot chocolate and a pastry in a German cafe....in German. You might have your children attend different youth group events at church, or participate in the adult discussion in your small group Bible study. You might really challenge them by allowing them to take classes at the community college for supplemental fine arts.  All of these scenarios are going to involve you partnering with other people outside of your family for the development of your child. If you do none of these things and simply look for curriculum or educational resources for teaching your child to read, you will need to partner with someone else.

The keys are intentionality and teamwork. If you recognize a need that your child has that is not being met, you look for a way to meet it, whether that means homeschooling or sending them to someone else. If I recognize a need your child has that is not being met, I'm going to ask for your insight.  If your child's academic, social, or spiritual development is being hindered in some way as a result of being in my classroom, I will more than support your decision as their parent to take them out of my class so that their needs can be met. We are a team. We want the same thing.

Proverbs 22:6
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."

Deuteronomy 6:7
"You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise."

Psalm 127:3
"Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward."

Healer's Curse Review

In spite of life's craziness, I have managed to read a few really good books in the past couple of months. One of which is Kathrese McKee's novella Healer's Curse. Below is the review I submitted to Goodreads and Amazon. Read it if you are so inclined and then go buy the book! It is on sale at Amazon.com in e-book form for 99 cents.

Have you ever been given a responsibility and not been able to carry it out? Have you ever felt like a failure for your inability to do something you believe you were called to? If so, you will be able to relate to Lady Elilan, the main character in Healer’s Curse.
Elilan has been given the gift of healing. But when her gift fails to save the lives of her husband and mother-in-law, she stops using it altogether, fearful of causing more death. Meanwhile, tensions are high between the Twin Kingdoms, more so since the disappearance of the royal children. When a southern soldier is injured while protecting the northern and southern queens, Elilan takes him under her care. As the two become friends, Raymon challenges her beliefs about her gift. Elilan begins to question whether or not the power to heal has ever truly been hers.
Once again, Kathrese McKee has done a beautiful job in making her readers care about her characters in a short amount of time. Elilan’s struggle with guilt over her perceived failures is true-to-life. As a teacher, I began my career with enthusiasm, wanting to teach all my students the best I could and let them know they were loved in all that I did. Many times I have been brought to the realization that any talent I have is God’s and I cannot teach the way I need to without him. I loved Elilan’s grandfather, and watching their close-knit relationship. His gentle counsel and faith reminded me of older people I know who have provided wisdom and guidance at critical times in my life. Raymon, though beautifully written as a strong, yet gentle character is still as much a mystery to me as he is to Elilan. I suspect this is by design, however, as Healer’s Curse is meant to serve as an introduction to these characters. I loved reading his interactions with Elilan, and look forward to getting to know him better in the coming books.
If you enjoyed Mardan’s Mark, you will enjoy Healer’s Curse. Though short, it is very well-written, giving the reader plenty of opportunity to get to know the characters and engage in the story. You will not feel cheated, though you will be hungry for more at the end! If you have not read Mardan’s Mark (go read it!) you will still be able to enjoy this book, though you may have questions about a couple references. Overall, this was a truly enchanting read and a great reminder that our gifts are not our own. We are but tools in the hands of our Master (Ephesians 2:10; 1 Corinthians 1:27-31; 1 Corinthians 12:7-11)

3 things I've learned about my childhood through my experiences as an adult....

Happy Late-February, Everyone!

Let's just get this out of the way right now: The once a week posting is probably not going to happen. This is probably a good thing because I will only post when I have something to say. Nobody wants to read my mindless ramblings. As amusing as my high school blog is to read, I find myself wondering why I thought anyone would care what I had for breakfast on a particular morning. Or that I went to the library by myself. Or the fact that I drank coffee. Nobody wants to know about those things unless there is a particular story connected with said activities.  I will spare you the play-by-play and the random thoughts with no conclusions.

However, as it so happens, I do have something to talk about today. As I am now in my second full year of teaching middle school students, I am finding myself at odds with my inner adolescent. Looking back, I remember what it was like to be my students' age. I remember certain things being huge deals. For instance, the fact that I was finally allowed to drink coffee at the tender age of 14, or spend an hour in the library without my parents, were very big deals at that age! I remember being annoyed at the unreasonableness of adults, and I remember thinking they didn't understand me, despite their insistence that they were once teenagers too.

Now, as a middle school teacher in a small private school where I actually have the opportunity to be involved in my students' lives, I find myself looking in a mirror. I see a completely different side of things and part of me hates myself for it.  I am now the adult with "unreasonable" expectations that I no longer see as unreasonable. I am now the adult who "doesn't understand" and thinks teenagers are being overly dramatic. I find myself having the same interactions I had with my parents, giving the same speeches I resented as a teenager, and all the while thinking, "I've been here before."  I have become the enemy. I see it in their eyes which they barely manage to resist rolling after I change their seating arrangements. I hear it in their voices as they protest some new rule I have made as a result of their poor choices.

On the other hand, I look back on my teenage years and I see things that I couldn't see before.  The phrase, "You'll understand someday." is so irritatingly true. It's what people say when they realize no amount of lecturing will result in understanding.  I can't tell you the number of times my parents, youth ministers, youth interns, and other adults in my life would tell me things they wish they had known when they were my age.  I remember thinking, "Yeah, that's nice, but you just don't understand what it's like to be me." Now as an adult having experienced all the things they were talking about I think, "Dang it! Why didn't I listen?". Some things you just have to experience before you can understand. Thus "blessed" with a greater perspective on life, I look back at scenes in my childhood and I notice an entirely new dynamic that was not there before.  And so, here are three things about my childhood I didn't understand until I was an adult:

1. Half the time, adults were preaching to themselves.
Adults, with all their experience and hard-won knowledge, were desperately trying to impart wisdom to a group of adolescents with no framework with which to fit this knowledge. Yeah, we knew sex before marriage was wrong, but we didn't really understand why that was difficult. We knew we were supposed to love everyone, because that's what Jesus would do, but what did that really mean, anyway? Try teaching a lesson on love to a group of adolescents. 1 Corinthians 13 has a WHOLE different meaning to me now as an adult than it did as a teenager. As a teenager, my only thought was how to apply this passage to my future husband. This wonderful man who was going to love me like no other. He was going to be my prince charming and we would live happily every after because we waited for marriage.  As an adult, I read this chapter and wonder how anyone can think love happens by chance? Love is HARD. Try applying this verse to your husband or wife when they get on your nerves! Try applying this to a coworker who is making work life really difficult. Try applying it to a teenager who is making it very difficult to LIKE him, let alone love him. I try to impart all this wisdom to my 6th and 7th graders. I am met with a mixture of silly answers, blank stares, and only a few expressions that show me they are trying to digest this hard truth about life. Can they fully understand this hard truth at this tender stage of their life? Probably not. Do I still think it is a valuable lesson for them to hear now? Absolutely. Even if they don't know what to do with it now, someday it will come back to them and make sense.

2. A lot of the time, adults DIDN'T know the right answer.
This is kind of a scary thought, but one I have pondered a lot recently. I remember being in youth group with adults in charge who were my current age and older. I thought they knew everything....or at least they thought they knew everything. They had arrived at that magical place called "adulthood" where they always made the right choice, and always knew the right answer. This is why they were in charge. I'm twenty-seven years old and I am still waiting for this magical transformation to happen to me. I suspect I'm going to be waiting for some time too. On the other hand, there were those adults who were out of touch with the younger generation, didn't understand us, and therefore could not always make the right decision concerning us.  Imagine my dismay at being partly correct.  I have moments in my interactions with my students when I question if I really made the correct move in my instruction or disciplining of a particular student. I have moments when I am certain I did not.  I look back ten years and I see my parents struggling with decisions they made concerning me and my siblings.  Suddenly, their inconsistencies as parents become forgivable. Adults are humans. They try their best, and they are just as heartbroken as their kids when they turn out to be wrong.

3. Secretly, adults were actually jealous of us.
Not that my parents actually wanted to go back and relive their adolescent years. However, adulthood comes with a loss of innocence about the world.  I remember having so much fun goofing off and talking about silly things with my friends. I remember being able to write carefree journal entries explaining my thoughts to the world because everyone was entitled to my opinion. I remember what it was like to daydream. Thankfully, I have not completely grown out of that.  The difference now is that I know what reality is. Back then, anything was possible. It's a lot easier to be strong in your faith when your parents are handling all the "adult" realities. It's a lot harder when you can't escape them. I look back and I see condescending smiles turn into happy smiles reflecting on their own childhood innocence.  At the time I resented it because I thought they were patting me on the head and telling me how cute I was.  Some of them were.  However, I think at least some of the time, they were just happy for me and my innocent, joyful outlook on life.

It is good to look back and understand things in a new light. Maybe by looking back and understanding my childhood a little better, I will be better equipped to bridge the gap in maturity as I work with my students. It's true: they have a limited perspective on life. That's not their fault. Just because I see their daily dramas as insignificant does not mean they are not important. If I recognize the fact that I have not "arrived" at the magical adulthood where everything makes sense, then I must allow that my daily dramas are also insignificant in the eternal scheme of things.  Yet to me, they are my entire world. I am just an angsty middle schooler in God's great classroom of life.  How thankful I am that God does not brush away my concerns and frustrations with life because He has more important things to do.  God knows where I am, and He knows where I am going, and He is going to help me get there. May I be more like Him in my dealings with immature middle schoolers. Because really, we are the same.

 "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.  For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:11-12